Day 2: Thankful for a healthy child!

Kensley gives me fits in the morning. Like, every single morning. I'm not a morning person either, so I know where she gets it from, but still. So this morning, she's throwing one of fits and she gets in trouble. She is boo hoo crying as we are leaving and I get down in the floor and just hug her. I tell her I'm sorry for getting upset with her and I love her. When we get to school she clings to me, not wanting me to leave her. After about 10 minutes of that, the teacher finally comes to my rescue, so I'm not too late for work. As I walk down the hall way, the tears start to roll. I cried all the way to work because I was impatient with her and had a very "unglued" moment.

As I rode to work, Brad Paisley's song came on, " One of those lives" if you haven't heard it, it's a good one. It's about how an average guy complains about his day when there are people out there fighting for their lives. Oh, how true this is. Some people have to spend there days in children's hospital, while I get to enjoy my days at home with my healthy little girl. Life is too short to take one second for granted. Be thankful for the small things.

Day 1: Thankful for Good Morals

With thanksgiving right around the corner, I want ALL my post this month to be about things I am thankful for. I have a million and one things to be thankful for, so I'm sure I won't get them all covered. But here it goes...

I am thankful my family raised me with good morals.

Yesterday, I talked a little about friendship. Last night while trick or treating I went to visit a friend whom I have been friends with my entire life. I have always considered her my best friend. While there last night the topic of cheating come up and I told her, "If you ever cheat on your husband, I'm not going to be friends with you anymore." I love her husband, he comes from a good family and is truly a great guy.

No truer words than, "Be a best friend, tell the truth & overuse I love, go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense, never let your praying knees get lazy, and love like crazy!"

Why people people lie and cheat to/on someone they "love" baffles me. If you can't be honest with someone you love or are in a relationship with then chances are you shouldn't be with them. It breaks my heart that people cheat. If you don't want to be with me, or you want to be with someone else, don't cheat on me. Break up with me, leave me, whatever. I honestly don't know when society thought it was acceptable to do this? More and more people it seems like on a daily basis are cheating. It breaks my heart for everyone effected by this!

Just thinking...

So, what is your definition of a friend? I have learned over the years, that my definition of a word isn't always everyone else's definition.

My definition of a friend: Someone who you love, listen to, and are there for and they do those same things in return. Someone who will always tell you the truth even when it hurts. Someone you can call up at 3 AM and cry to for hours, even when they have to be at work the next morning, Someone who will call you out when your in the wrong, but love you anyway and vice versa. Among many other things.

I've learned a lot about loyalty over the years, someone who is there for you no matter what. Someone you can BET on that's gonna have your back. But as we grow up we establish new friendships. We grow apart of some we have held on to for years. It's part of life and it's part of growing up. I wouldn't trade my friendships for the world, at the same time we have to stand on the side of right and wrong. Don't stand by and let someone get hurt. Do what's right by everyone, not just by your friend. Put them in their place if they are doing wrong. That's what you're there for. We all want to use that same old line, "mind your own business" but if roles were reversed, wouldn't you want someone watching out for you??

Unpredictable life.

So, let me to tell you about my week..
I'm writing this after being awake for 27 hours to start things off, Kensley started yesterday with sinus junk and coughed and cried all night last night. Sick babies mean no sleep for mommy. I had my very first parent/teacher meeting last night, wow. I don't even like saying that, time goes way faster than you think. Got side swiped this morning by some one that didn't even bother to stop, to get out of her car, or to see if I was okay, much less, "Hey, here's my insurance info since I just hit you!" I drove after her so I could get her tag number. I finally decided once I took a picture on my phone to stop and see how much damage had been done, because her car had a huge dent and scratch half way down it. I was crying hysterically like a crazy person thinking, this is just what else I need, when it rains, it pours, why me, etc. When I walked around my car, not a scratch on it. All I could do was laugh, and thank God. I firmly believe it's because I've spend most of the night talking with God. Like I said, I 've been up all night, no sleep at all. I did a lot of praying and readying my bible. Good things happen when I do this... A few weeks ago, I had some things stolen from the house, found out who took them, and filed a police report this week. I have been so livid about the whole situation, I have not acted the way that I should have. I haven't prayed about it, which should have been the first thing I did. Last night I prayed about it, and I feel comfort over the entire situation. God has a plan, and it will all work out. On top of all that, at least one or two days a week I get in a funk. I miss my mom. I miss my brother. I want them home. I cry. I'm sad. There are so many days I want to pick up the phone after a week like this and vent to my mother. But there are 7 hours difference so when I'm getting off work and can actually call and vent it's midnight there. It sucks. It really sucks. But God let's everything happen for a reason, and I firmly believe them being over there is what's best right now. With that being said, I only have 22 days until I see them for a few days!!!!

Life is crazy and so unpredictable. If you had told me I would be here 6 months ago, I would have said YOU ARE CRAZY. I would have said a lot of things 6 months ago, that aren't true today. But, hey, that's life right?
Thankfuly I have God, and a few good friends that I keep up entirely too late at night venting to, that makes things a little easier!

I’ve pulled up my blog many times to write, and then ended up deleting it or just clicking the “X” at the top of the page.

I haven’t liked the person that I’ve been over the past few weeks and I’ve caught myself realizing it more and more. It’s time I stop, take a breath and step back a minute.  No since in going back down the road I’ve been on, I’ve back slid enough. If you know me, or even if you don’t and you read my blog then you know I don’t do patient. At all. Last night, after a long, stressful, eventful day, I was ready for bed at dusk, my very whiny, tired, exhausted 4 year old wasn’t helping my mood at all. She is 4 going on 14 and every bit of a diva. My fault, I know. So last night after telling her to pick up her toys, and stop throwing her dolls around, she ends up knocking over a drink and a LIT candle. Both spilled everywhere and I. LOST. IT. First of all, I had told her to STOP throwing stuff, and obliviously she doesn’t listen and the end result is mommy mad, Kensley crying,  and a huge mess. After she went to bed last night and the mess was clean, I remembered my reaction to earlier in the night and I cried. I was ashamed. I pulled out my “unglued” book and started at the beginning. I have to figure out this whole patience thing before it is the death of me.  A very special person in my life tells me all the time, “you’re going to miss this” . How true that is. I miss her being little. I know you may think she still is, but she’s smarter than some of my co-workers. Not kidding. I miss the days she couldn’t talk, or walk, I miss the cute little faces she use to do. She is just way too big! I have my very first “parent-teacher conference” tomorrow. Yes, I just said that. Point is, I blinked and 4 years have flown by and it’s bittersweet, but heartbreaking too. I wish there were so many times I could go back over the past 4 years and do-over. Oh, if do-overs were real.

Yesterday, my cousin tweeted, about how beautiful the drive was from Tuscaloosa to Centreville, something I never noticed before. It’s cleaning up after my beautiful, smart, healthy child spills something, and not overacting, because so many people would kill for the opportunity to do that. It’s going to see my great grandmother, and letting Kenlsey get to know her because not many people get say they know and remember there great- great-grandmother. It’s playing Madden with your little brother because you never know how much you’ll miss that when you go 10 months without having the opportunity to. It’s about saying I’m sorry when you should, because you never know the next time you might have a chance to make it right. It’s about thanking God for the things you forget to.  Because I don’t thank him nearly enough, and take way too many things for granted. In writing this I’m overwhelmed with all my many blessings from God and thankful for he has given me.

I'm really, really going to try and be a better blogger, and not  be so sporadic with it.

trying to patiently wait..

I long to be a patient person. I want NOTHING more than to be a patient person. It takes practice. I try my best to practice it, but I never ever seem to succeed. I need patience with every single person in my life, or maybe they need it with me, ha! I only wish I was kidding. The Bible tells you over and over to be patient. In tons of scriptures, it clearly says, "BE PATIENT". Why do I have such a hard time with this?

I work in an office where we take 500+ calls a day, not kidding. I lose it with patients sometime. Not that I ever let it show, but I do hit the mute button and vent to the girl beside me. This week I've lost it with these phone people, every day it has been something. It has been change. Change takes time and it definitely takes patience. Now, if you've been reading my blog before, then you know Kensley and I were just hit with a lot of change. So time and patience is definitely what I need right now. Neither of the two, am I good at. I hate waiting, and we've already established that I'm not patient. I can tell this whole practicing thing though is making me better. I realize when I lose my patience and I ask God to forgive me. It breaks my heart when I lose it with the people I care about, it makes me feel ashamed. I am reminded how patient God is with me and it makes me sad to know that I have a long way to go when it comes to this.

Over the past week my character, patience and faith have all been tested. There are times when I've put full trust in God and said to myself, "He's got this" but there have been other times when I've made myself sick over thinking and worrying about it. Pray about your worries, give it to him. I've to remind myself, and I've got to have faith in him and his timing. I've got to learn to wait patiently for his answer and not to be discouraged when it's not what I expected. He will answer with the perfect answer and the perfect time.

Give it all to him!

"Stressed to the MAX" doesn't even begin to describe how I've felt over the past few days.

But thankfully, "When I am filled with cares, your comfort brings me joy-Pslam 94:19"

I feel like my faith is being tested, and tested hard. I'm okay with that. Not sure what lead me to the book of James last night, but as I started to read, the scriptures hit me.
^"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance- James 1:2-3"

I am trusting God with all my cares, and that is all I can do. (Everything before this point was written earlier in the week) God is good. All the time. Since last week, it's been several days from HELL. It started with an email from my attorney, continued with what I thought was a stomach virus, but after 5 days of not being able to eat without getting sick, makes me think it's just nerves. Then we got a completly new phone system at work, most of you may think that's no big deal, if you've ever called in to UOC then you know that we are VERY busy, and new phones that no one knows how to use is def. not a good thing. PLUS, Kensley started pre-school this week, which she loves every single second of it. (Thank you, Jesus!) Since she is ok, Mom is ok too! Among many, many, many other things. After several days of praying, crying, yelling, praying, screaming, praying,crying, pouting, crying, praying,whining, crying and praying, today is good. Yesterday was good too, despite the phone situation. I woke up releived today, feeling like several prayers have been answered, and it's only gotten better! My God is awesome and he is so GOOD! Trust in him with all your heart!

Contentment

God has been putting a lot of things on my heart, and today when writing I planned on sharing some of them. When you live for God, things don't always go the way YOU plan for them to.

I recently picked up a copy of, "The Resolution For Women", it was written in partnership with the creators of the movie, "Courageous". I read a few chapters, all which talked about contentment. I read the words and let them sink in. I took a look at my life, and how things were and thought to myself, "I'm not really content, I want more." I was also reading, "Redeeming Love", my new favorite book. Let's just say, I'm not one for reading two books at once. So, a few chapters is all I got from "The Resolution".

I have You Version on my phone, many of you know it as the "Bible App".
I love it, when I am somewhere and want to look up a verse, I can because I always have my phone. It gives me the "verse of the day" and also has reading plans. There have been several "verses of the day" and several different reading plans I have come across that have all talked about contentment.

Then last night I saw on fb someone past a link from a dear friend, it was a blog. I wanted it to read it, but didn't so I opened it in safari so I could later read it. This morning I read her recent blog post, actually I read the past few, and more than one was about contentment. That's when I knew that's what I needed to share.

This past weekend was a roller coaster ride, so many emotions from Kensley turning 4, last week of NeNe's and also my parents not being here for this huge chapter of our life, among several different things. I have been praying and asking God to give me answers. When a certain situation arose this weekend which wasn't what I expected, all I felt was contentment. I felt this was God's way of giving me the answers I've been looking for. I also felt as though it was completely in God's hands. Now that my relationship with Jesus Christ is on the right road, I have contentment in him. I have read more than once, " Rest in the God who KNOWS the future and ORDAINED it." I love hearing this, reading this, and feeling this. So with this being said, I will trust in the Lord with my future and with his timing.

One of my favorite sayings, it's on my desk at work, it's on my twitter profile, and you see it all over pinterest, " Faith in God, includes Faith in his timing."

Unglued

I started reading the book unglued, and within the first chapter I thought to myself, "Is this about me?" Often I feel unglued, falling apart. I have learned to pray when overwhelmed with these emotions, which is very often. When I pray I feel like a HUGE burden has been lifted, and I turn it over to God. I have been trying SO SO SO hard to not make emotional decisions. I've read scripture and scripture on controlling the tongue. This I have such a hard time with because it's new to me. I just recently made the decision not take make emotional decisions, because it hurt myself and the ones I care about. I was on a good track until a roller coaster of events took place, and it was like I was hit with a bomb. A bomb of things happening and I lost sight of my control over emotional decision making. Over the past week, I've let my guard down and I've done a horrible job of thinking about things before doing or saying things that I shouldn't based on how I feel at that second. With that being said, starting today I will get back on track and try and stay on track. Unglued so far is a great book for anyone feeling overwhelmed with life. I'm only in the 2nd chapter, but after Chapter 1 I already feel as though I stumbled upon it by no accident.

Blessed is an understatement!

Words could never ever begin to say how thankful I am for my family. I do alot of "blog reading" especially Christian blogs. I recently read one called, "A widow's story" and my mind started thinking back to 11 years ago. My granddaddy was my hero. He is was the greatest man I've ever known. He roped the moon. In August of 2000 my world come crashing down, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. I prayed more then than I ever had before. I believed that he could beat it. But little did any of us know what a short battle he would face. I basically lived with my grandparents, not technically, but more nights than not I stayed with them. Almost every childhood memory I remember has my Granddaddy in it. When he was diagnosed, I remember the day he told my mother, they were outside and I heard my mom yelling at him, clearly emotional. I don't remember exactly when they told me. But I knew when they did that's why my mom had been so upset. I remember when he started chemo/radiation how sick it made him. I remember so many scary moments that made me realize he wasn't going to beat this. I remember our last Thanksgiving together, like it was yesterday. Those were out final days with him. I was at church on Sunday, December 10, 2000, I went for Sunday school and for some I wanted to leave. I called someone to come get me. My step dad picked me up and took me to Bignanny's where Marla and Matthew were. I remember Mom, Sissy, and Uncle Kenny coming in eyes puffy, and blood shot. I knew without them saying a word. It has been 11 years since I lost my granddaddy, but until I read that post I never even thought about how hard it was for my grandmother. I never thought about how hard it was one anyone else really, no one except me. I could not imagine how hard it is to go on with life with out your partner, the father of your children, the man you were married to for years. Luckily, he made sure my grandmother knew how to do it all. Most women would be lost without a man around. There isn't much my grandmother can't do. She has lived her life the past 11 years just as she did before he passed, living for other people. Maybe she does it to keep herself busy, maybe she does it to keep her mind off of him, maybe she does it because that's what "they" would be doing if he was still alive. Kensley is probably the most spoiled child I know, and she would be so much worse if "Killer" was still here. My grandmother does more for me than anyone ever has. She does as much for Kenlsey as she possibly can. She has been my rock so many times.  She is the most unselfish person that I know. I could go on and on about this women, but above all else, I give her thanks. I am so thankful for all she is and does.

I recently read a quote on a favorite singer's facebook page, "Love is thicker than blood"
I have NEVER heard words more true than this.

My mom and Tony met when I was in diapers, and got married when I was very very young. As far back as I can remember, My Nanny and Paw Paw are in my memories. I never remember a time in my life when they were not. This is my "step- grandparents" I am referring too, but they are my REAL grandparents. They have always been so good to me, and I often enjoy going to their house as a child, and as an adult. I attend church with my nanny, and she inspires me to be a more Godly woman. I often say how I wish I had her faith, and heart. I don't know that I ever will, but I am on the right path thanks to her! She has never treated me any differently than any of her other grandchildren. She loves me and Kensley just as much as she does all the rest of her grandchildren. She does as much as she can for me especially when I need help with Kenlsey. Love is thicker than blood, I know this to be true.

I am also blessed to have so many other people in my life who help me out with Kensley.  Being a single mom is hard, especially with my parents living 10,000 miles away. When Kens is sick, or I need someone to keep her, I have a handful of people who step up and are willing to help me out. Words can never say how thankful I am for all everyone does for me! If I ever win the lottery, I will remember each of you :)

Not so busy, huh?

So, March 1, was the last time I "blogged" I've had so much on mind recently and I kept telling myself, "I want to blog". I remembered I had this so here's for a second shot...

What's happened over the past 5 months of NO blogging and how far I've come on those goals I was talking about...

Def. fell off the "exercise bandwagon" just as fast as I got on it. Last March, I lost probably 20-30 lbs for a friend's wedding, and looking back at the pictures it depresses me. By no means was I "skinny" I don't think that will ever happen, but it was a much better look than I'm going for now. I'm going to TRY and do what everyone says and start counting calories with the awesome my fitness pal app. I'm giving up sweet tea for now, and if you know me, then you know that is going to be harder than anything! I'm going to try and stay on this at least until I can lose a few lbs.

Taking more pictures, that I have accomplished! I love, love, LOVE taking pictures! I just got a new photo-editing software, and have no idea how to use it! But I can't wait to learn! I've mostly done for friends just for practice, but I must say, I am getting better! :)

Spending more time with my sweet girl, that is my MOST achieved accomplishment. She never wants to leave my side, and I'm okay with that. A few weeks ago, I went white water rafting with my family and left her at home with Grammy for one night, I wasn't even gone 24 full hours, and my heart ached not being with her. I enjoy date nights with Derrick, but I always pick her up afterwards. She has only spent the night away from home 2 nights in the past year. I think I have more of a withdrawal problem than she does. This past weekend, we went and got her hair cut, both got pedicures, went and did some school shopping, and grabbed lunch, I love days like this with her. The older she gets the more time we have to do stuff like that. While, I'm on the topic of Kens, next week is her last week at NeNe's. (TEARS) She started going right after her first birthday, and she turns 4 on Monday. Yes, I said 4, going on 16. Where does the time go?? She starts preschool on the 20th, and it will be a big adjustment for us all!

And last but not least, I wanted my spiritual relationship with God to grow, and that it has! I've always believe in God, but not until recently had a good relationship with him. I talk with God daily and try my best to do what is right. A few months back, maybe around Easter, or Mother's Day I started attending church every week. I wanted to be a better person, and I wanted to have a REAL relationship with God. When I do what is right, and live the way I should, it makes me a better person all the around. A better friend, co-worker, daughter, sister, mother.. I am a better person to be around! We just got through with a week long or should I say LONG week of VBS, I am thankful I got to be a part of that. I am thankful for this change in my daughter too. If your friends with me on facebook, or follow me on twitter, then you know how much I share her love for God. She is constantly praying, praying for people she knows that needs it. She knows when to ask me to pray for her too! Last week during VBS, they learned several different songs, and the one that she kept singing over and over was, "If God is for us, what can stop us" she would always say it when I needed to hear it the most too! God is going to use that sweet girl in big ways I firmly believe it in my heart.

So, that's the latest on my goals. I have a lot on my mind that I feel like I need to share, so I promise it won't be another 5 months before I update again :)

It's all about Goals...

So our new CEO has made all dept. set goals for ourselves. And it's got me thinking I need to make myself some "outside of work" goals. There is so much I want to do.. lose weight, knit more, work on my spiritual relationship, take more photos, and the list goes on and on.. My main goal use to be to spend more time with Kenlsey, and with Derrick working the crazy shift he does, that goal has been one of my most achieved goals. Don't get me wrong I've always spent alot of time with her, but with work and everything else I felt like it was not quality time. Now, that she never wants to leave my side we actually get to spend quality time together, and I enjoy it so much. Last weekend we watched a disney marathon on abc family of Bambi, Lion King and Aladdin. I love spending down time with her and actually getting to enjoy the little moments..

Now, on to the more challenging goals.....
Weight Loss

Last Sunday, I was doing great.. I was doing online excerise video's (Body Rock), running, ab lounge, etc.. but then I got "deathly" sick. Of course not really but I felt horrible. So I stopped, then I had dental work done on Tuesday so needless to say I fell off the Excerise bandwaggon.

So, Sunday, I am jumping back on.. I will keep you updated on how it's going...

Blogs have come a long way!

I used this site several years ago when Kensley was first born, to keep everyone up to date with everything going on. Now it seems everyone blogs about EVERYTHING. I am blogging again because of Pinterest. Because I found a million different "blogs" that I LOVE to read, and it is much easier to subscribe to them on here then going through pinterest. So.. back to blogging I go....