Day 2: Thankful for a healthy child!

Kensley gives me fits in the morning. Like, every single morning. I'm not a morning person either, so I know where she gets it from, but still. So this morning, she's throwing one of fits and she gets in trouble. She is boo hoo crying as we are leaving and I get down in the floor and just hug her. I tell her I'm sorry for getting upset with her and I love her. When we get to school she clings to me, not wanting me to leave her. After about 10 minutes of that, the teacher finally comes to my rescue, so I'm not too late for work. As I walk down the hall way, the tears start to roll. I cried all the way to work because I was impatient with her and had a very "unglued" moment.

As I rode to work, Brad Paisley's song came on, " One of those lives" if you haven't heard it, it's a good one. It's about how an average guy complains about his day when there are people out there fighting for their lives. Oh, how true this is. Some people have to spend there days in children's hospital, while I get to enjoy my days at home with my healthy little girl. Life is too short to take one second for granted. Be thankful for the small things.

Day 1: Thankful for Good Morals

With thanksgiving right around the corner, I want ALL my post this month to be about things I am thankful for. I have a million and one things to be thankful for, so I'm sure I won't get them all covered. But here it goes...

I am thankful my family raised me with good morals.

Yesterday, I talked a little about friendship. Last night while trick or treating I went to visit a friend whom I have been friends with my entire life. I have always considered her my best friend. While there last night the topic of cheating come up and I told her, "If you ever cheat on your husband, I'm not going to be friends with you anymore." I love her husband, he comes from a good family and is truly a great guy.

No truer words than, "Be a best friend, tell the truth & overuse I love, go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense, never let your praying knees get lazy, and love like crazy!"

Why people people lie and cheat to/on someone they "love" baffles me. If you can't be honest with someone you love or are in a relationship with then chances are you shouldn't be with them. It breaks my heart that people cheat. If you don't want to be with me, or you want to be with someone else, don't cheat on me. Break up with me, leave me, whatever. I honestly don't know when society thought it was acceptable to do this? More and more people it seems like on a daily basis are cheating. It breaks my heart for everyone effected by this!

Just thinking...

So, what is your definition of a friend? I have learned over the years, that my definition of a word isn't always everyone else's definition.

My definition of a friend: Someone who you love, listen to, and are there for and they do those same things in return. Someone who will always tell you the truth even when it hurts. Someone you can call up at 3 AM and cry to for hours, even when they have to be at work the next morning, Someone who will call you out when your in the wrong, but love you anyway and vice versa. Among many other things.

I've learned a lot about loyalty over the years, someone who is there for you no matter what. Someone you can BET on that's gonna have your back. But as we grow up we establish new friendships. We grow apart of some we have held on to for years. It's part of life and it's part of growing up. I wouldn't trade my friendships for the world, at the same time we have to stand on the side of right and wrong. Don't stand by and let someone get hurt. Do what's right by everyone, not just by your friend. Put them in their place if they are doing wrong. That's what you're there for. We all want to use that same old line, "mind your own business" but if roles were reversed, wouldn't you want someone watching out for you??

Unpredictable life.

So, let me to tell you about my week..
I'm writing this after being awake for 27 hours to start things off, Kensley started yesterday with sinus junk and coughed and cried all night last night. Sick babies mean no sleep for mommy. I had my very first parent/teacher meeting last night, wow. I don't even like saying that, time goes way faster than you think. Got side swiped this morning by some one that didn't even bother to stop, to get out of her car, or to see if I was okay, much less, "Hey, here's my insurance info since I just hit you!" I drove after her so I could get her tag number. I finally decided once I took a picture on my phone to stop and see how much damage had been done, because her car had a huge dent and scratch half way down it. I was crying hysterically like a crazy person thinking, this is just what else I need, when it rains, it pours, why me, etc. When I walked around my car, not a scratch on it. All I could do was laugh, and thank God. I firmly believe it's because I've spend most of the night talking with God. Like I said, I 've been up all night, no sleep at all. I did a lot of praying and readying my bible. Good things happen when I do this... A few weeks ago, I had some things stolen from the house, found out who took them, and filed a police report this week. I have been so livid about the whole situation, I have not acted the way that I should have. I haven't prayed about it, which should have been the first thing I did. Last night I prayed about it, and I feel comfort over the entire situation. God has a plan, and it will all work out. On top of all that, at least one or two days a week I get in a funk. I miss my mom. I miss my brother. I want them home. I cry. I'm sad. There are so many days I want to pick up the phone after a week like this and vent to my mother. But there are 7 hours difference so when I'm getting off work and can actually call and vent it's midnight there. It sucks. It really sucks. But God let's everything happen for a reason, and I firmly believe them being over there is what's best right now. With that being said, I only have 22 days until I see them for a few days!!!!

Life is crazy and so unpredictable. If you had told me I would be here 6 months ago, I would have said YOU ARE CRAZY. I would have said a lot of things 6 months ago, that aren't true today. But, hey, that's life right?
Thankfuly I have God, and a few good friends that I keep up entirely too late at night venting to, that makes things a little easier!

I’ve pulled up my blog many times to write, and then ended up deleting it or just clicking the “X” at the top of the page.

I haven’t liked the person that I’ve been over the past few weeks and I’ve caught myself realizing it more and more. It’s time I stop, take a breath and step back a minute.  No since in going back down the road I’ve been on, I’ve back slid enough. If you know me, or even if you don’t and you read my blog then you know I don’t do patient. At all. Last night, after a long, stressful, eventful day, I was ready for bed at dusk, my very whiny, tired, exhausted 4 year old wasn’t helping my mood at all. She is 4 going on 14 and every bit of a diva. My fault, I know. So last night after telling her to pick up her toys, and stop throwing her dolls around, she ends up knocking over a drink and a LIT candle. Both spilled everywhere and I. LOST. IT. First of all, I had told her to STOP throwing stuff, and obliviously she doesn’t listen and the end result is mommy mad, Kensley crying,  and a huge mess. After she went to bed last night and the mess was clean, I remembered my reaction to earlier in the night and I cried. I was ashamed. I pulled out my “unglued” book and started at the beginning. I have to figure out this whole patience thing before it is the death of me.  A very special person in my life tells me all the time, “you’re going to miss this” . How true that is. I miss her being little. I know you may think she still is, but she’s smarter than some of my co-workers. Not kidding. I miss the days she couldn’t talk, or walk, I miss the cute little faces she use to do. She is just way too big! I have my very first “parent-teacher conference” tomorrow. Yes, I just said that. Point is, I blinked and 4 years have flown by and it’s bittersweet, but heartbreaking too. I wish there were so many times I could go back over the past 4 years and do-over. Oh, if do-overs were real.

Yesterday, my cousin tweeted, about how beautiful the drive was from Tuscaloosa to Centreville, something I never noticed before. It’s cleaning up after my beautiful, smart, healthy child spills something, and not overacting, because so many people would kill for the opportunity to do that. It’s going to see my great grandmother, and letting Kenlsey get to know her because not many people get say they know and remember there great- great-grandmother. It’s playing Madden with your little brother because you never know how much you’ll miss that when you go 10 months without having the opportunity to. It’s about saying I’m sorry when you should, because you never know the next time you might have a chance to make it right. It’s about thanking God for the things you forget to.  Because I don’t thank him nearly enough, and take way too many things for granted. In writing this I’m overwhelmed with all my many blessings from God and thankful for he has given me.

I'm really, really going to try and be a better blogger, and not  be so sporadic with it.

trying to patiently wait..

I long to be a patient person. I want NOTHING more than to be a patient person. It takes practice. I try my best to practice it, but I never ever seem to succeed. I need patience with every single person in my life, or maybe they need it with me, ha! I only wish I was kidding. The Bible tells you over and over to be patient. In tons of scriptures, it clearly says, "BE PATIENT". Why do I have such a hard time with this?

I work in an office where we take 500+ calls a day, not kidding. I lose it with patients sometime. Not that I ever let it show, but I do hit the mute button and vent to the girl beside me. This week I've lost it with these phone people, every day it has been something. It has been change. Change takes time and it definitely takes patience. Now, if you've been reading my blog before, then you know Kensley and I were just hit with a lot of change. So time and patience is definitely what I need right now. Neither of the two, am I good at. I hate waiting, and we've already established that I'm not patient. I can tell this whole practicing thing though is making me better. I realize when I lose my patience and I ask God to forgive me. It breaks my heart when I lose it with the people I care about, it makes me feel ashamed. I am reminded how patient God is with me and it makes me sad to know that I have a long way to go when it comes to this.

Over the past week my character, patience and faith have all been tested. There are times when I've put full trust in God and said to myself, "He's got this" but there have been other times when I've made myself sick over thinking and worrying about it. Pray about your worries, give it to him. I've to remind myself, and I've got to have faith in him and his timing. I've got to learn to wait patiently for his answer and not to be discouraged when it's not what I expected. He will answer with the perfect answer and the perfect time.

Give it all to him!

"Stressed to the MAX" doesn't even begin to describe how I've felt over the past few days.

But thankfully, "When I am filled with cares, your comfort brings me joy-Pslam 94:19"

I feel like my faith is being tested, and tested hard. I'm okay with that. Not sure what lead me to the book of James last night, but as I started to read, the scriptures hit me.
^"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance- James 1:2-3"

I am trusting God with all my cares, and that is all I can do. (Everything before this point was written earlier in the week) God is good. All the time. Since last week, it's been several days from HELL. It started with an email from my attorney, continued with what I thought was a stomach virus, but after 5 days of not being able to eat without getting sick, makes me think it's just nerves. Then we got a completly new phone system at work, most of you may think that's no big deal, if you've ever called in to UOC then you know that we are VERY busy, and new phones that no one knows how to use is def. not a good thing. PLUS, Kensley started pre-school this week, which she loves every single second of it. (Thank you, Jesus!) Since she is ok, Mom is ok too! Among many, many, many other things. After several days of praying, crying, yelling, praying, screaming, praying,crying, pouting, crying, praying,whining, crying and praying, today is good. Yesterday was good too, despite the phone situation. I woke up releived today, feeling like several prayers have been answered, and it's only gotten better! My God is awesome and he is so GOOD! Trust in him with all your heart!